Abuse and the Wounded Feminine

Abuse is one of the greatest examples of the wounded feminine in our world. Abuse in any form is wrong. Abuse is the improper use of something. It can take the form of physical violence against someone with less power, demeaning hurtful words, chemical abuse, misuse of position and authority to coerce, shame, guilt, bribe, or flatter someone into submission. Abuse always hurts both parties involved. It is a deal breaker in relationships. It destroys and it is widespread.

Abusive relationships are hard to change. Both people involved are wounded and a cycle of abuse is created early on in the relationship, often times acting out patterns of interpersonal relationships that were learned in early childhood. Because the wounds are deep and people are not always aware of why they behave the way they do, it is difficult to get the parties involved to seek the help they need.

Women stay in abusive relationships for years. Men do the same. I have spoken with young women who have been physically harmed and threatened with their lives and asked them why they wouldn’t leave and they tend to say that they just haven’t tried hard enough yet. They don't believe that that was the “real” person that tried to harm them, but someone under the influence of chemicals or their emotions. They are partially correct in that regard, the person was under the influence, but the abuse was real, the threat to her life was real, the danger was real, and the psychological wounds that kept them both stuck in a cycle of violence was real.

One doesn’t have to experience physical violence to be in an abusive relationship. Relationships that are controlling and critical are also abusive. Many wounded people control others through their words putting others down and criticizing the minutest things about the other person. They will often times limit the freedoms of the other person leaving them with no money, transportation, or other essential resources—cutting them off from family and friends.

Persons in authority, clergy, lawyers, doctors, and therapists can also be abusers betraying the trust of the vulnerable who come to them for help. Using their position of trust to assure the person that they have their best interests in mind, they proceed to take advantage of that trust and exploit them.

Anyone abusing chemical substances of any kind is likely to also abuse or be the victim of abuse. Whenever we give over our power of choice to anything or anyone else we give our power away. If you are using a chemical substance or the person you are living with is using, there is another dynamic in the relationship that is out of control. People make poor choices regarding treatment of themselves and others whenever they are under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

People on the outside of abusive relationships have a hard time understanding why the people in them stay stuck. It is difficult to see the situation for what it is from inside the relationship. Our tendency seems to be to fantasize a relationship, falling in love with someone’s potential. Our wounds and insecurities make it necessary for us to believe that we are truly loved, even if the “love” we are receiving is hurtful.

If you find yourself in an abusive relationship of any kind, you need to know that abuse is never OK. It is not justified in any relationship and you need to get a referral to a trusted, proven source for help in getting out of an abusive relationship.

Sadly, it is often in the church that abuse goes on undetected, untreated, and even accepted. I have heard misinformed pastors tell people that unless there is “adultery” in a marriage, even if there is abuse, the person has no “grounds” for divorce. This is a form of abuse in and of itself because it uses a position of authority to pass judgment on a situation and keep a vulnerable person in harm’s way.

God is the author of love and does not condone abuse in any form. If you have been told that even if you are married to an abuser you must stay, that person is not speaking from God’s word, but from a wounded perspective.

This is the wounded feminine aspect of our planet. When I use the word feminine, I am not necessarily referring to the female gender. The word feminine used here can be defined to mean the feminine aspect that is within all of creation. This includes the feminine aspect in men and in women. The feminine is usually associated with the reflective quality of the moon. It is receptive. It represents the fecundity, or creative aspect of humanity. It is what gives birth to new ideas—the womb of creativity. It is the right side of the brain, the intuitive part of our senses. It exists in both men and women.

When the feminine is dishonored, or relegated to a minor or subservient role in our being, it becomes wounded in the sense that it no longer has power. As a culture, it becomes wounded when it does not have equal say in the decisions that affect all of mankind. When we don’t honor the feminine, we get “stuck in our heads” and decisions tend to reflect only left brain concerns. If the feminine is wounded in our thinking, then we make choices that dishonor and denigrate the feminine. If we dishonor or destroy the feminine (womb) we will destroy ourselves, because the feminine is what gives birth to new life.

It is the feminine quality of the creative, the womb, the vulnerable, and the inward that has been exploited since the beginning of sin. Abuse happens whenever we take the sacred ability to create and nurture and turn it into an object to be ridiculed, mocked, and exploited. That can be to abuse the feminine aspects within our selves or within another.

True healing for abuse has to take place on a soul level within an individual--whether the person is the abuser or the abused, the victim or the victimizer. Abusers started out as the abused and perpetuate the cycle in their life. Until there is some type of intervention in their life, they will keep living out their hatred of the feminine in themselves and in the lives of others.

Soul interventions require Divine healing. We truly need God’s help to restore health and wholeness to the wounds of the feminine. We need to seek the help of trained individuals to get us into a safe place and we need spiritual intervention and regular spiritual practice to help us heal and move into wholeness. This is a process, but one that I can testify to that works.

There is healing and wholeness available to us. God’s Spirit works powerfully in our lives to restore and heal us when we make a commitment to spend time in the presence of the Greatest Healer of All. I have seen the Beloved and fallen in love with the God who heals, the God who cares, and the God who loves. If you are acquainted with abuse in any form, I invite you to begin a life of healing and wholeness. God longs to give you the desires of your heart. Trust the feminine aspect of whom God Is to bring healing into your life today.


Julie, you ARE awesome! I love what you share here. I am a survivor, who was an Advanced Healer, now moving into allowing my own feelings to move, and reclaiming my work as a Healer. I'm completing my studies as a Spiritual, Life, Family and Relationship Coach and would love to share your blog on my blog. You are beautiful. Jennifer. (I found your blog after creating mine, which I'm calling http://HealingtheDivineFeminine.blogspot.com).
Julie Smith said…
Thank you, Jennifer! Blessings on your new blog and much love as you continue to heal, serve others, and grow! Love the title of your new blog! Of course you are free to share mine.

Many Blessings,